Goodbye
by LSMunch
Summary: Have you ever watched someone say goodbye?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine. Might be more to this in the future if I can figure it out.

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Have you ever watched someone say goodbye? I mean, really say goodbye. The kind of goodbye that leaves you a little less whole. The kind that tries to suffocate you with it's wonderfully strong grip. The kind that means I might see you again, but if I do, it will never be the same. The kind they show in movies and you think never really happen. The kind you wish you never have to take part in.

That kind of goodbye. Have you ever seen it?

I have. Just the other day, in fact.

And I never want to see another one ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

He was flanked by the Captain and Olivia when he came out of Cap's office. Olivia's face was set, her eyes a bit red, and she looked more angry than anything else. Captain looked a bit sad, like a father sending his son off to school, whether it be his first day of kindergarten or college. Elliot just looked... determined, I guess is the word. He looked like he was going to do something and no one was going to stop him. I had no idea what it might be, but something told me I wouldn't have long to wait until I did find out.

Elliot gave a weak sort of smile, something that didn't fit well with his otherwise determined stance. Then again, thinking about it, I suppose that was always the way he stood, ready to take on the world. Maybe it was something he learned in the Marines, I wouldn't know. But still, that weak smile didn't bode well in the pit of my stomach and I knew something was most definitely up.

Olivia walked to her desk and I couldn't help but thinking she looked a bit shaky, as if she might fall over any minute. Cragen was looking at the floor a distance off, apparently waiting for Elliot to say something. Finally, as if hearing my thought, he took a deep breath and said, "I'm transferring to Queens. The sixty-first's robbery division's got an opening. Close to home. Kathy and I are trying to work things out."

I wanted to smile. I really did. He was, after being a jerk for what seemed like ever, trying to fix things instead of moaning about them. Don't get me wrong, I felt for the guy, losing his wife and kids in one fell swoop after twenty-odd years of marriage. I know what divorce does to someone and I didn't want it to happen to a guy who I believed had it all and could never lose it. However, the Job can be a cruel mistress, and even though I had seen it take other men's marriages and thrown them down the toilet, mine included, the news that Kathy had left him still came as a shock. But despite the relief I felt at Elliot's newfound resolution at working things out with Kathy, I couldn't smile.

Fin did, though. He stood, and much to my surprise, after shaking Elliot's hand, he pulled him into a hug, clapping him on the back. Elliot returned the smile, again weakly and turned to me. "You know, you are one of the most interesting people I've had the pleasure of calling a friend. I'm gonna miss you." I stood as well and, forgoing a handshake, pulled him into a strong embrace. When we parted, he hefted a box filled to the brim with the things he had kept in and on his desk and turned back towards Captain. "Thanks, Cap. For everything."

Captain nodded, and I had the distinct feeling that he was going to cry. I felt a strange fear wash over me, and only later did I realize it was the kind of fear a child experiences when their parent starts crying, especially their father. After all, Dad's supposed to be Superman, and Superman never cried, not once.

Elliot turned to Olivia, who was staring at her desk. Now that I looked at her more closely, I realized there were silent tears running down her face. She made no move to wipe them away and no move to look up at her now former partner. "Liv," Elliot said quietly, and I suddenly got the overwhelming feeling the Fin, Cap and I were not supposed to be there. But at the same time, I couldn't get myself to move, and neither could Fin or Captain, it seemed. So instead we all sat and watched, voyeurs to a moment meant to be private and secret.

"Liv," he said again and she finally looked up. "I'm sorry. I really am, but I just... I need the kids, I need my wife. I gotta do this. We'll get together. I promise. We have to." His words seemed horribly inadequate in trying to soothe the pain I knew Olivia was feeling.

Their eyes met and from my position I could see the flinty anger mixed with sorrow. She was strong. God, was she strong. But this she wasn't strong enough for. In the face of this, she was defenseless, weak beyond anyone's belief. I wanted to reach out and pull her into my arms, protect her from this, but I couldn't, and wouldn't even if I could. Not now at least. This was her time. Their time. The time allotted to them to say goodbye.

"I promise," he whispered, close to tears, his voice as unsteady and weak as his smile had been earlier, gruff with emotion. "We'll make it work. I'll make it work with Kathy and I'll make it work with you. I promise." The box went on top of the desk and his hand reached out, brushing back some hair behind her ear. Again, I was overcome by the feeling that I shouldn't be watching, we shouldn't be watching, and again I found I couldn't move to leave.

Though I couldn't see his eyes, I suspected that they were filling with tears waiting to be shed as he whispered again, "I promise." His hand was on the side of her face and he had gotten closer to her.

Olivia nodded, so choked up she couldn't even speak. I didn't blame her. Elliot had become more important to her than her right arm and I knew, we all knew, that she would gladly give that arm if it meant she could keep Elliot. Because despite the arguments over the years, the disagreements, he was as much as part of her as her own heart, and she was the same to him. Oh, it was nothing physical, nothing sexual, never in a million years, but it was so strong a friendship that losing one half might prove lethal to the other's heart and soul. In all my years, and though Fin jokes constantly about those many years, I've never seen anything like it. In all my years, I've never seen anything quite as amazing as Benson and Stabler, as Elliot and Olivia.

He was hugging her. And she was doing some sort of imitation of a hug that looked more like she was hanging onto him. Her legs had given out and he was the only one supporting her, just like all those other times. The only one she could lean on and always expect to be there.

The embrace seemed to last forever and when they finally let go, his hands settled on her waist for a minute as he looked her over. His teeth clenched, he said again, quietly, "I promise." It came out as a bit of a growl, actually.

She nodded, he hefted up his box again, nodded to the rest of us and left.

And even though he had the best of intentions and would try his hardest, Olivia and I, maybe even Fin and Captain, knew that his promise would be broken. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but it would be broken. Broken as thoroughly as her heart now was. And nothing we did would be able to fix it.


End file.
